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227 – One Of The Worst Things You Can Do


One Of The Worst Things You Can Do…

It is time once again for Being A better Man, the podcast focused exclusively on the character of men in all of its various forms.  I am your humble sherpa on this journey, my name is Alf Herigstad, I’m the creator and host of this show.

Before I delve into today’s content I’m going to take a moment to acknowledge the sponsor of our Friday episodes: StumpTown Kilts.  Stump town Kilts is a company located in Portland Oregon, also known as “Stump Town”.  It is there that a few brave, industrious souls dedicate their life to the creation of what I believe to be the best kilts money can buy.  Each kilt is expertly crafted with the finest most durable material.  The designs are both functional and innovative, which means they have features other kilts do not.  Such as the huge hidden pocket, adjustable sizes and snap on accessories.  One of my favorite features is that I don’t have to iron them. 

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We all have certain things that disgust us right?  One of the things that disgusts me is when I hear a grown man complaining about his wife or girlfriend, running her down to other people, demeaning and disrespecting her.  I really don’t enjoy hearing men complain about anything at all, I think it’s pathetic…but it is particularly nauseating to me when a man will complain about his significant other.

Don’t get me wrong.  It’s one thing to confide some legitimate problem you are having to a friend, seeking advice and counsel.  I don’t consider that complaining.  Sometimes we have to do that to work things out.

What I’m talking about is when guys will complain about someone just for the sake of complaining.  Or when they will try to be funny by saying derogatory things, at the expense of someone who isn’t there to defend themselves.  Also, when a guy will call his significant other vulgar names and speak about her in disrespectful, unflattering terms.

It happens all the time and I’m sure you have heard someone do this.  Perhaps, you have been guilty of this yourself on occasion.  There are several reasons I have a problem with this.

For one thing, when a man is in a relationship he has a basic function, a duty to perform.  That duty is to provide a high level of care to the other person.  To look out for them, protect them, defend them and be a good man to them.  So it blows my mind when a guy feels like it’s ok to throw all that out the window by doing the exact opposite of that.

When a man is complaining about and berating his significant other not only is he belittling her, but he is making himself smaller at the same time.  If a man is behaving exactly opposite to what his duty as a man would dictate—then, is he even a man at all? 

The other part that gets me about this is that I don’t understand why it happens.  Why, if a guy is that miserable.  If a guy is so dissatisfied with his relationship that he has to complain to other people.  Why doesn’t he either; a.) get counseling or help to fix the problem.  Or b.)  Just get out of the relationship?  If you are that miserable to the point that you abandon your manly duties why don’t you just end it and move on with your life.  Stop wasting your time and your partners time by perpetuating the misery.  Just get out, get out or fix it. 

I feel about complaining like I feel about excuses;  there is not any valid reason for doing it.

It’s even worse if there are children in the relationship.  Now, on top of being less than a man.  On top of being a whiney sniveling douchebag, and in addition to totally disrespecting a person you have pledged allegiance and fidelity to.  Now you are also disrespecting your own children by demeaning their mother.

I like to imagine that the vast majority of my listeners do not do this.  There may be a few of you who do though, maybe that’s the example you got when you were growing up?  Maybe that is just the culture you live in and no one ever really told you it was wrong.  That is not a valid excuse, but either way I’m telling you right now that there is another, better way to be. 

Hopefully you guys listening are not the type of guys that do this, but perhaps you know some people that do.  If that’s the case then I invite you to share this episode with them.  It’s the kind of thing that is difficult to hear from someone you know.  So let me tell them, just send them a link to this episode or sit down and listen to it with them. 

Somehow in the evolution of our society this behavior of complaining about women to your guy friends became tolerated in some circles, even accepted.  I think it’s time that we as a group start reversing that by speaking out against it and explaining to people why it’s wrong, and what the ultimate consequences are.

Now head out into your weekend and be on the lookout for opportunities to make a difference, no matter how small.  Stay true to your commitment to be a better man today than you were yesterday.

Hey remember to get a copy of my book Forging A Man if you have not gotten yours yet.  Heck, why not get two and give one as a gift?

Hey remember to to check out my new book, Forging A Man, available right now on Amazon.



Also, please take time to check out the MANLY RESOURCE CENTER, in the menu tab at the top of the page.  Or, click on these links.





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