165 – Dealing With Loss…Like A Man

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DEALING WITH LOSS…LIKE A MAN

I have a couple announcements to make before I start talking about dealing with loss.  For one, I want to thank a listener named Mitch for getting a new StumpTown Kilt for his birthday using the special code: betterman.

If you go to stumptownkilts.com and use the purchase code:  betterman, all lower case, like Mitch did, then you will receive 10% off your online purchase…just like Mitch.

He got a brown kilt, which I am a little jealous of because that is one color I don’t have.  He wrote me to tell me that he loves his new kilt, and you will too.  Just go to stumptownkilts.com and check them out today.  You’ll be glad you did, these are the same kilts I wear everyday and in my opinion they can’t be beat.

My second announcement, more of a reminder really, is that I am still looking for volunteers to be part of the launch team for the book I am getting ready to publish.  If you want to know more about that, just send me an email and ask me.

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Well here we are again, another Friday.  The weekends are different for everyone.  Some people have big plans for big fun.  Others have big plans to accomplish things they didn’t have time for during the week.  There may be some of you who have no plans at all…you just want to sit around all weekend and do absolutely nothing.

Whatever it is that you decide to do is perfectly fine…there isn’t any right or wrong to it, it’s your weekend after all. 

My weekend is going to be super full and busy, as usual.  I tend to cram a ton of things into every weekend, a combination of fun and work, and I never seem to get everything done I set out to do…that’s just how I do weekends.

Regardless of how any of us plan our days off, there is one important thing that we should all remember.  That is, our commitment to be a better man today than we were yesterday.  That commitment doesn’t get to rest just because it’s the weekend.  In fact, for some of us the weekend is when we need to be most diligent.

Being a better man is a seven day a week proposition, it has to be…in order for it to become a way of life.

I kind of got side tracked on the weekend thing, thats not really what I wanted to talk about…but it is important.

What I really wanted to talk about, is dealing with loss.

We all lose something dear to us from time to time, its inevitable.  For whatever reason, we might lose a job that we depend on.  Or we might lose a relationship thats really important to us.  A beloved pet or relative might die.  Your car might be destroyed by a hit and run driver while you are in the store.  You might lose a limb in a workplace accident.

Dealing with major loss is really just another part of life and its important that we consider how to deal with these things prior to going through it.  Because we want to deal with whatever loss we may face as best we can, as a man.

What I mean by considering how you will deal with things before they happen, is that you can establish a common method of dealing with all sorts of loss.  It’s impossible to predict everything that will happen to you, but you can establish a base method for every eventuality.

Severe loss effects us in a couple different ways; emotionally, financially, physically, or a tragic combination of those.  Every situation is different, just as every person is different.

The first thing I would tell you is that it is OK to feel and experience the emotions of the loss, experience the grief of it, don’t try to shut it out because its there for a reason.

If you need to cry, then cry.  If you need to yell and scream then do that.  I personally try to get that stuff out of my system as quickly as possible, because I realize I have a higher calling.

Whenever you experience loss the chances are that others do as well;  family members, friends, loved ones and associates.  They are going to be hurting just like you.

As a man I see one of my roles as being strong during those times.  Decisions usually have to be made, people need to be comforted, the world has to be made normal again somehow and if I am wallowing in my own grief I will be unable to provide that service to others.

I have seen a lot of men play the grief card way too long, feeding off the sympathy of others and forcing other people around them to be strong…and frankly, it sickens me. 

My personal belief is that as a man, it is not only our duty, but our privilege to be the rock for others in times of great loss and emotional need.

The second thing I would recommend you do when faced with a terrible loss of some kind, is to force yourself to focus on the things you know to be true and positive.

For example, if you lose your job, focus on the the fact that you know you are talented and smart.  Focus on your ability to land on your feet and find a better job than the one you lost.  Leave the negative, bitter feelings behind because the bottom line is…they won’t help you.

Whatever it is you lose, find positive things to focus on.  If you lose an arm, focus on the fact that you have a spare.  If you lose a girlfriend, focus on the fact that you are both free to find your actual match now.  When someone dies focus on how great it was to have known them and how lucky you are to have all those memories of them to cherish.

It might sound simplistic, but the bottom line is that whenever tragedy strikes we have two choices.  1.) We can wallow in it, using this tragedy as an excuse to let our lives sink even lower while feeding on the sympathy of others.  Or, 2.)  We can summon energy from all the positive things in our life, to keep moving forward in spite of it by the sheer force of our will as a man.

There really aren’t too many other options.  Some people do #1 for as long as they can before they pull their heads out and then they move onto #2.  What I’m suggesting, is that you take the initiative to move forward as soon as you can. 

The act of moving forward, of taking positive action works not only because things are happening.  It works because it makes you more alive, it makes you vital, and negativity can stand up to that. 

It sounds obvious, but so many people allow themselves to be taken out of the game by great, sudden loss…when they don’t need to.

The choice is yours, it’s your life.  But I suggest that one way of being ready for such things is to spend some time thinking about it;  what would you do if…  How would you feel if…  As a man, how do you want to experience loss, as a victor, or a victim?

Thats it for today guys.  As usual, I love to hear your thoughts on the show so feel free to email me with your thoughts, insights, or questions at:  alf@beingbetter.men.

Also, if you believe in what this show is doing and you want to become a Patron, head over to patreon.com and check out our page, you can become a Patron for as much or as little as you like.

Now head out into the world, and take your role as a man seriously.  Determine what kind of man you want to be in every situation, and then live into that, make it happen by imposing yourself on your own life, and by being abetter man today than you were yesterday.

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