THE RED PILL QUESTION…
Alright…today’s topic is kind of a large, complicated one, it has many layers but I’m going to narrow it down as much as I can.
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My wife sent me a link to an article about “Red pillers”. What are Red-pillers you ask? Good question. Basically, there is a community of men who claim to have taken the red pill, like in the movie “The matrix”. They claim to have disconnected from modern societal ideals about what men are, what they should be, and what their roles and functions in society are. They claim to focus on self improvement, and they loudly complain about all the injustices that men have to endure in these modern times. It is a community that is growing quickly, and that is why I’m talking about it. Red pill, red pill, red pill.
It doesn’t sound that bad on the surface I guess. I mean…I’m all for self improvement and I’m against injustice of any kind. However, upon closer inspection of this red pill community my opinion of it quickly changes.
I don’t want to come off as overcritical. It’s possible to be wrong about something without automatically being a stupid person. Humans are always getting caught up in things that speak to some pain they have, but are fundamentally misguided. So this is my objective opinion.
As I explore this red pill philosophy, I look at it both up close and then I stand back a ways and look at it from a larger view. What I really can’t help but notice, is that it all boils down to sex…or a lack thereof.
It seems that this philosophy was born out of sexual frustration. Men who, for whatever reason, are having a really hard time with relationships, or any intimate connections.
Many of them have read books, they have done everything the pick-up guru’s have told them and still…they are striking out. Rather than own their failure in this area they look for someone to blame. So, they blame society, their upbringing, and the justice system, but mostly they seem to blame women.
I read a post by one guy who was frustrated because, in his words, “His sexual market value was very high” and he still could not attract the perfect height/weight proportionate, funny, intelligent, beautiful woman that he wanted. He just can’t figure it out.
Could it be that he is looking at women in the same way someone would think about the ideal car they want, rather than as a fellow human being? Is it also possible then, that this attitude would make him come off like a giant douche bag to women, instead of someone with a high sexual market value? I think so.
This red pill philosophy seems to be mostly the domain of younger men. Men in their 20’s and perhaps 30’s, so if you are in that age bracket be especially aware.
If anyone disagrees with my opinions here I would love to hear about it, just write me a letter and I’ll hear what you have to say. In the meantime I’ll continue to break this down.
When I look at this I see guy’s who are having a hard time. They are frustrated, lonely, sad and angry. They try to do what the “experts” say and it still doesn’t work.
Many of these men have been conditioned by a lifestyle of instant gratification. In video games they can power-up, and instantly increase their abilities. If they want to see a beautiful woman with no clothes, just go to your favorite porn website. They aren’t used to waiting for results. They think if they get buff at the gym, or get a better job, or change their look a bit that they have powered-up, and will magically become more attractive to women. When they continue to be shunned…they blame the women, of course.
One major flaw in this philosophy was highlighted by a comment I read, submitted by a red piller. I don’t remember it verbatim, but basically is said that if you focus on self improvement you will attract higher quality women.
When I read that, it became immediately evident to me that the message here on Being A Better Man is exactly opposite to that.
Here we talk about improving ourselves for the sake of improvement, for the actual purpose of Being A Better Man, for no other purpose than to get as close as you can to your full potential as a human before you die. see the big difference there?
Of course, I believe if you are being the best man you can that it will have a positive effect in all areas of your life, including romance…but that cannot be the motivation, because it doesn’t work that way.
It’s kind of like the difference between someone who wants to lose 15 pounds of fat because summer is coming and they want to look good at the beach, vs someone who wants to lose 15 pounds of fat because they will be healthier, live longer, be able to do more and have a happier life.
The objectives are the same, but the motivations are radically different, and it’s the motivations that will determine the long term results in my opinion.
In the red pill culture it seems that everything is always someone else’ fault. There is a lot of whining, excuse making, blaming and ranting all focused at the world at large, rather then on themselves. These men, in my opinion, have become victims…and now they are focusing on their victimhood. And remember what I always say…the things you focus on, expand. They are expanding their victim status, instead of diminishing it.
There is a good chance I might have a few red pillers listening right now. They are hearing what I’m saying, but it makes them wonder what they are supposed to do about it. They want a remedy. Here’s what I have to say to them.
I often use the animal kingdom as an example to illustrate points about human beings. Because we are part of the animal kingdom, like it or not. Animals make it easy to understand because they aren’t packing around all the baggage that humans are…it simplifies things a bit.
In nature, which I will remind you that we are a part of, males seldom choose their mate. Look at the plumage of male birds. Observe the way bull Elk’s fight. Notice how the biggest, strongest, smartest, prettiest, or healthiest male animals display their genetic advantages.
While they are doing that, the females are watching. If the female see’s something that will be a benefit to future generations then she will make a choice. Life goes on, and if she chose well the species will move forward, having been improved.
If some condition changes and females stop choosing for a certain trait, then the behavior of the courting males will change accordingly. This part of life is really all up to the females. That is neither good or bad, right or wrong, it’s just the way it is.
Now lets look at humans. In the past 100 years women have come a long way. They have gone from being property and possessions, to becoming actual powerful human beings in their own right. They have careers and education and opinions and rights, just like men have always had.
That is a change in condition brought on by societal evolution. In nature, when a condition changes the males would need to alter their approach accordingly. Many human males, have not done that.
As women elevate their position in the world, as they climb the ladder of existence, some men stand on the ground looking up at them…wondering why that woman doesn’t find him attractive. Weird…but she seems to be attracted to the man on the ladder next to her who is at the same level she is.
I think a lot of these red pill guys are that guy, standing on the ground complaining and whining instead of just climbing the ladder themselves.
That is why, on this podcast I hardly ever talk about love life and sex and women. Because if I did I would be talking out of order. As a human, I want the best for our species, that means I really don’t want women settling for men who don’t deserve them. Men who aren’t willing or motivated to be the best man they can.
We also have to accept who we are. We can’t all be George Cloony, we can’t all be a super athlete or a millionaire…it’s not realistic. We cannot all date super models, it’s not going to happen. What we can do is all try to be the best we can as individuals.
I never could run very fast, I make up for that by being stronger than average. I’m kind of funny looking…I make up for that with my sense of humor…Not rich man am I…I made up for that with confidence and authenticity. We all have to acknowledge our faults and expand our virtues.
Look, if a man is truly doing his best…what more can he do? Nothing. If you are really committed to being a better man today than you were yesterday, and keep doing that every day, you will gradually become the best man that you personally can. If you do that, then every area of your life will improve to the highest level possible. Beyond that, everything else is a fantasy.
It all starts with being a better man…for the sake of being a better man.
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