103 – A Female Perspective Of Manhood

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A FEMALE PERSPECTIVE OF MANHOOD…

I’m going to get right in to today’s topic, this idea came to me from a listener, a young woman in Colorado.  Yes…women listen to Being A Better Man too.

I’m really glad she sent me this idea, because it’s important to consider the female perspective.  Women comprise about half of the world population and their input and contribution is vital to the continuation of our species and our civilization.

Also…women provide us with a very important, very real perspective of manhood.  A perspective that we would probably never realize on our own because…we are men.  Our experience in the world is very different. 

This listener shared a perspective with me that I probably would not have come up with on my own, but after reading it, I could see the truth in it and I think it needs to be addressed.

This listener is a professional woman in her 20’s, a college graduate, and she contends that most women see two primary ways in which men try to assert their masculinity in the world.

As I go over this try not to get activated…don’t try to judge the truth or accuracy of her position as it applies to you.  The thing is…its valid, because this is her perception, and if she see’s it this way then it’s likely a lot of other women do as well.  So lets learn what we can from this.

So here is what she said;  Type A is the smooth operator, the ladies man, the guy with “game”, sexual prowess, the guy that is all about hooking up and putting notches on his bedpost.  If this type A guy isn’t especially good looking, then he probably has a lot of money, and he uses it to entice women and effectively purchase his masculinity.

Type B comes from a place of aggression rather than sex.  In her words;  he “spends endless hours doing upper-body workouts at the gym and getting into bar fights to show the other guys how “alpha” he is.”  We all know guys like this, they can be loud and over-bearing in social settings. 

She went on to say that aside from type A and B, there is also type C.  She said type C guys are the worst from her point of view.  She said, and I quote:  “this is the most terrifying and annoying group from a women’s perspective because these men act as though your refusing to go on a date, dance with them, or accept a drink is directly denying them of their natural “right” to manhood. When this feeling occurs, these guys will move on from the “sex” method of obtaining “manhood” to the next method, which is to become verbally, and sometimes physically or sexually violent.”

I have heard of this before, though I can’t say I have personally witnessed it…good thing too because the guy would probably wind up in the hospital.  But I have heard of young women complaining that when they refuse the advances of a guy he immediately becomes abusive, calling her names or whatever.  As though there is a culture of men of a certain age who seem to think they are entitled to whatever woman they desire…as though simply the act of breathing should be enough to win a woman affections. 

I don’t know when or how this culture started happening, or what age of men practice this the most…but I do know it’s a horrible thing.  Behavior like this is the complete opposite of what it means to be a man in my opinion.  They are behaving more like animals.

This listener then went on to describe yet another class of men…Type D.  These are the guys who don’t fall onto any of the other categories. They aren’t really good with women, or it’s not a priority… they aren’t physically intimidating or good at sports, they don’t make a lot of money, etc.

These type D guys are often called nerds, geeks, or losers, and regarded as “un-manly” by types A,B, and C.  I personally feel bad for these guys, I know the type, they feel invisible in the world, they have no confidence in social situations and I think many of them don’t even think of themselves or identify as a man very often.  It’s tragic, because in every one of them there is a dormant man who is living an unrealized life.  A lot of these guys reclaim their masculinity by immersing themselves in the fantasy world of video games where they can be whoever they want, but it’s not real.

Our listener who contributed this topic contends that it is these type D guys who eventually break, and are responsible for the majority of tragic, random events like school shootings and whatnot.  I’m not certain this is true…but it kind of makes sense.

She went on to say that there was another type of man, unlabeled by a letter.  Guys like me and you, the listeners of this show who are actively committed to being better men.  I thought it was nice of her to throw that in.  She said we restore her faith in humanity.

After I read her whole letter I felt a little sad.  It made me sad that there are women in the world who think of manhood in these four categories;  A,B,C, and D.  What added to my sadness was that I have known and seen people in these exact four categories she described…and so have you I bet.  It’s no wonder that this is a prevailing perception among women.

Imagine your daughter or some other woman in the world you care about who has to contend with one of these choices every day.  Imagine if there were no other choices beyond this…who would become the fathers and leaders of the next generation?

Thankfully, there are other choices beyond these four categories.  Men like you.  Men who have decided there is more to being a man than being a badass, or sleeping with as many women as he can.  Men who think it is a privilege to share their strength instead of imposing it.  Men who respect other people, who understand that being a man is a great responsibility and that we have an obligation to be an example everywhere we go.  Men like you, who are interested in being a better man today than you were yesterday.

Thankfully, we do exist in the world, but merely existing may not be enough.  It seems with each new generation, men like us are becoming a smaller and smaller percentage of the population.  That’s why I think it’s more important than ever to be an example everywhere we go.  At work, at school, at restaurants and even in traffic!  I think it’s part of our responsibility to also promote this thinking, to spread it among our peers, to speak openly and unapologetically about the virtues of manhood, and about our desire to be better men.

See, I have another theory.  I think there are a lot of guys in the afore mentioned A,B,C,and D categories that might be there simply because they were never taught another way.  I don’t think most guys truly enjoy being a douchebag…they are usually emulating someone else, they lack direction and instruction on what manhood really means.  I think a lot of these guys, when they see you, being a better man and speaking out about it, living a life of perpetual improvement…I think they might realize there is another choice.  That is the power of example.  That is the power you possess to make a difference in the world as a man.

I want to thank our female listener again, thanks for reaching out and sharing your perceptions with us, and I invite anyone else listening to do the same.

I also want to thank our sponsor, audible.com, you can download a free audio book about whatever you want, you aren’t obligated to buy anything, you have a whole month to see if you want to continue and the book is yours to keep, it’s a great deal!  To take advantage of that go to www.beingabettermanpodcast.com/book.

Alright guys, now head out into the world, and think about this stuff as you go through the week.  Be concerned about the perception women and children and other men have of manhood, and be the example.  In your circle of people set the standard of what it means to be a man.  By doing so, you will be a better man today than you were yesterday.

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